The 2026 World Cup, a tournament destined to be sponsored by hand sanitiser and liability waivers, has been hit with a fresh crisis: the race to finish the stadiums has turned into a demolition derby of missed deadlines and safety concerns. British stadium safety experts, in a move that will undoubtedly be filed under ‘things the organisers bribed someone to ignore,’ have warned that the breakneck construction pace is creating a powder keg of structural problems. One expert, a man who wears a hard hat to bed and dreams of evacuation routes, said: ‘These deadlines are not just tight, they are a crime against physics.
’ The cost, naturally, has gone AWOL from the budget, last seen fleeing the scene in a getaway car fuelled by corruption. FIFA, the organisation that makes organised crime look like a parish council, remains confidently vague. ‘We are on schedule,’ insisted a spokesperson, before fleeing into a waiting helicopter.
The real question, as always, is who will be left holding the bill when the concrete crumbles and the roof collapses under the weight of official optimism. My money is on the taxpayers, as usual. In related news, a rogue architect has been spotted sketching collapse scenarios on napkins in a bar near the new stadium site.
He declined to comment, but I saw the napkin: it said ‘Plan B: Pray.
