The BBC’s feel-good segment of the day features a six-year-old British girl, who took her pet chicken to the vet. Cue heartwarming footage and United Nations platitudes about the ‘legacy of UK aid’. I have nothing against children nursing chickens. It is a wholesome pastime. But let us apply the cold steel of financial analysis to this story, because the numbers do not add up.
The UN praised the UK’s aid legacy. What legacy? The one where we borrowed £12bn to fund a clunky IT system that the Department for Work and Pensions will now write off? Or the £15bn we poured into foreign aid while cutting school budgets at home? The girl’s chicken probably cost £50 to treat. That is real money. It goes to a vet, pays a salary, buys medicine. Contrast that with the billions that disappear into procurement black holes.
I recall a delightful statistic from the Office for Budget Responsibility. UK debt interest payments alone will hit £110bn this year. That is more than we spend on defence. It is more than we spend on schools. And what do we get for it? The privilege of being told by international bodies how wonderful our aid spending is. Meanwhile, the pound sterling is sliding, gilt yields are twitching, and capital is packing its bags for Frankfurt.
Market efficiency demands that we allocate capital to where it yields the highest return. A chicken hospital trip? High emotional return, zero economic multiplier. The UN aid legacy? Low economic return, high debt liability. The only efficient outcome here would be to sell the deadweight assets, cut the corporate tax rate to attract foreign investment, and let the invisible hand sort out the chickens.
But no. We have a government that treats the treasury like a benevolent fund for every sob story and grand gesture. The girl’s chicken story is cute. The fiscal story is a horror show. And the UN can praise all it wants, but markets do not care about kudos. They care about deficits, and ours is a gaping wound.
Let me be clear. I do not begrudge a child her pet chicken. I begrudge a government that spends £12bn on a computer system that does not work, then borrows another £20bn for a feel-good aid spree, all while inflation eats into the real wages of the taxpayer who ultimately foots the bill. That is the real story. The chicken is just a distraction.
The bottom line? The UK’s fiscal chicken is coming home to roost. And unlike this lucky hen, it will not get a nice trip to the vet.
