In a stunning display of democratic thumbing-of-the-nose, Armenia’s pro-Western government has scraped through an election, despite the Kremlin’s best efforts to stage a sequel to ‘The Bear Necessities’ with a military subplot. The result: a narrow win for Nikol Pashinyan’s party, leaving Russian president Vladimir Putin with the expression of a man who just found a wasp in his borscht.
Election observers, presumably flown in on a wing and a prayer (and a generous expense account), declared the vote ‘free and fair,’ much to the chagrin of Moscow’s press corps, who were busy typing headlines like “Armenia Chooses Chaos, Rejects Russian Stability.” One could almost hear the sound of Kremlin spin doctors choking on their caviar.
Meanwhile, in Yerevan, the streets were awash with the triumphant sweat of victory, mingled with the sweet scent of independence. Pashinyan, a former journalist with a penchant for leather jackets and political tightropes, called the win a ‘testament to the people’s will.’ Which translates roughly as: ‘We told the big bear to stick it, and it worked.’
The opposition, a motley crew of oligarchs and former apparatchiks, cried foul. But then, they always do. It’s practically a national sport, right up there with chess and complaining about the price of apricots.
Russia’s response? A carefully worded statement expressing ‘concern’ over Armenia’s ‘drift from traditional alliances.’ Which is Kremlin-speak for: ‘Get back in line, you ungrateful Caucasus upstarts.’ Moscow’s influence has been waning faster than a snowman in a sauna, what with the Ukraine debacle and sanctions eating away at its diplomatic muscle.
But let’s not get too giddy. This is Armenia, after all. A country forever caught between East and West, a sort of geopolitical Greyhound bus station where everyone’s waiting for a connection that never arrives. Still, for now, the pro-West forces can dry their tears with EU flags and dream of a future without Russian gas pipelines.
As for the man on the street? He’s probably just glad the election ads are over. Though if the gin supply holds out, he might even raise a glass to democracy. Or to whatever gets him through the night.
