In a spectacular display of architectural aviation integration, a commercial airliner has apparently attempted to join the permanent collection of a Beijing skyscraper. The tower, now a proud owner of a Boeing-shaped sculpture, is reportedly closed for 'routine maintenance' while Chinese authorities impose a news blackout thicker than the smog over Tiananmen Square.
Downing Street, ever the champion of global clarity, has demanded 'full transparency' from Beijing, presumably from a cabinet whose own transparency record resembles a foggy bathroom mirror after a hot shower. The UK's call for openness is as predictable as a pint of warm beer at a Tory fundraiser.
Witnesses describe the incident as 'loud' and 'surprising', with one local man noting that the plane seemed to be 'in a hurry to get to the top floor'. Emergency services, including a bewildered man with a mop and bucket, arrived promptly at the scene.
The Chinese government, in a statement that could double as a plot synopsis for a Kafka novel, assured the public that 'normal procedures are being followed' and that 'the situation is under control'. The blackout has been implemented to 'prevent the spread of misinformation', which is rich coming from a regime that treats truth like a dissident journalist.
Meanwhile, the pilot's last radio transmission has become a viral meme: 'Tower, we have a slight navigational disagreement with your building.' The black box is expected to reveal recordings of the cockpit crew arguing over who left the iron on.
In the world of international diplomacy, this is a classic case of pot calling kettle black. The UK, a nation that hasn't seen a truly transparent government since the Magna Carta was signed, now plays the role of the world's conscience. Perhaps they can swap notes on transparency with China over a cup of tea, brewed in a pot that's been opaque since 1979.
As the world watches with a mixture of horror and titillation, one thing is clear: in the theatre of the absurd, this is a front-row seat. The only question remaining is whether the tower will now sue for airspace infringement or offer the aircraft a long-term lease.
Stay tuned, gentle readers. The news is just getting started, and truth is my only co-pilot. Even if she's a bit drunk at the moment.
