In a move that has stunned absolutely no one with a passing knowledge of geopolitics, Benjamin Netanyahu has ordered the IDF to seize 70% of Gaza, citing the need for 'security buffers' and 'strategic depth.' Curiously, the remaining 30% is to be designated a 'humanitarian zone,' presumably where the displaced 2.3 million souls can watch their former homes be redeveloped into luxury settlements with sea views.
In a masterstroke of chutzpah, Bibi has called on the UK to 'stabilise' the peace, presumably because Britain's track record in Middle East peacemaking is so sterling. I can already see the Foreign Office dusting off its Suez Crisis manuals and dispatching a sternly worded letter on House of Commons notepaper. The irony is so thick you could spread it on a bagel.
The Israeli PM, apparently under the impression that the UK runs a global conflict resolution hotline, said: 'Britain knows a thing or two about managing troublesome territories. Look at Northern Ireland!' Yes, Boris, we did.
And we're still paying for it. Meanwhile, the UN has called an emergency session, the usual suspects are issuing condemnations, and Gaza's real estate agents are updating their CVs. One can only imagine the scenes: IDF bulldozers making way for 'Gaza Hills,' a gated community with a view of the Mediterranean and complimentary checkpoint passes.
The whole affair has the air of a particularly dark episode of 'Homes Under the Hammer,' where the property is bloody, the presenter is a hawk, and the auctioneer is a bemused world community. As the dust settles on what will surely be a textbook exercise in peacekeeping, one thing is clear: the only thing being stabilised here is the price of armaments. Cheers, Bibi.
Another triumph for the art of negotiation.
