In a development that has shocked precisely no one outside the boardrooms of London's most morally bankrupt corporations, Bolivia has declared a state of emergency. The reason? UK oil giants, those paragons of corporate virtue, have managed to turn their supply chains into a snake eating its own tail.
Or rather, a snake that has been force-fed Bolivian lithium, rare earth minerals, and the dreams of indigenous peoples, only to find itself choking on its own greed. The emergency, declared by President Luis Arce, is in response to what his government calls 'an unprecedented disruption to our national infrastructure caused by the parasitic operations of foreign extractive industries.' Translation: the oil giants have finally squeezed the country so hard that it has coughed up its last drop of patience.
The supply chain chaos is, of course, entirely the fault of the UK firms. They have been trucking equipment through the Amazon, bribing officials with the enthusiasm of a drunkard at an open bar, and ignoring local labour laws with the casual disdain of a cat ignoring a bath. Now, the roads are clogged with their abandoned lorries.
The ports are full of their rusting containers. And the Bolivian government has apparently decided that it has had enough of being treated like a resource buffet for men in suits who couldn't find Bolivia on a map if you pinned it to their monocles. The state of emergency gives Arce the power to seize assets, nationalise infrastructure, and, most deliciously, deport corporate executives.
One can only hope they are flown out in economy class, sitting next to someone with a crying baby and a strong opinion on colonialism. Meanwhile, back in London, the same men who have never felt a moment of doubt in their entire privileged lives are now clutching their pearls and demanding that the British government 'intervene' to protect 'British interests.' British interests.
As if the interests of a bunch of oil barons are the same as the interests of the people whose homes they have poisoned. The Foreign Office, predictably, is issuing carefully worded statements about 'dialogue' and 'mutual benefit,' which is Whitehall for 'we are panicking and hope this blows over before we have to cancel our dinner reservations.' But it will not blow over.
Bolivia has woken up. And it is not a hangover that can be cured with a cup of strong coffee and a lie about 'regrettable misunderstandings.' It is a hangover that requires a new constitution, a redistribution of wealth, and a complete rethinking of what it means to 'do business' in a country that has been treated like a whipping boy for centuries.
As for the UK oil giants, they are now discovering that the world is not, in fact, their private oyster. It is a clam. And it has just slammed shut on their fingers.
The emergency is real. The chaos is real. And the justice, for once, is absolutely, gloriously, and historically unavoidable.
