The great Bollywood circus has a new clown in the centre ring, and his name is Ranveer Singh. The Indian Film Employees’ Union, a body with the combined authority of a wet paper bag but the moral outrage of a thousand Twitter mobs, has demanded a boycott of the superstar over his alleged ‘lack of respect’ for industry workers. Forgive me if I choke on my Bombay Sapphire, but isn’t the entire industry built on a lack of respect for anyone who isn’t a star?
Ranveer, the man who wears trousers tighter than his acting range, has apparently offended the union by not attending a meeting, or perhaps by breathing too loudly. The union’s leader, a man whose name I didn’t bother to remember, declared that Singh is ‘arrogant’ and ‘needs to learn humility.’ From a union that once celebrated a man who legally changed his name to ‘Bunty,’ I find this rich.
The boycott, if it ever happens, would mean no one works on Singh’s films. In protest, Singh will likely dance on a moving train in his underwear, and the public will forget the scandal by the time the credits roll. But let us not miss the real story: Bollywood, an industry where the line between genius and gibberish is thinner than a starving model, is imploding because one man forgot to say ‘please.
’ Meanwhile, the nation’s real problems – poverty, corruption, and the price of gin – remain unsolved. Hats off to the union for prioritising the real issues. As for Ranveer, my advice: buy a bigger mirror and a smaller ego.
The union can buy a sense of humour.
