In a twist of events that has left political pundits sputtering into their morning tea, John Bolton, the man whose mustache has more gravitas than most foreign policy committees, has pleaded guilty to mishandling classified documents. Yes, the same Bolton who once boasted that he could start a war with a stern look has now admitted to being a bit too cavalier with the nation’s secrets.
The charge stems from Bolton’s book, “The Room Where It Happened,” a tell-all that revealed more about the White House than a reality TV marathon. Apparently, Bolton decided that national security was less important than a juicy anecdote about Trump’s fast food habits. The man who spent decades in the intelligence community has now proven that even the most seasoned spook can’t resist the siren song of a book advance.
But let’s not be too harsh on Bolton. After all, he learned from the master. Trump himself has treated classified documents like confetti at a parade, shredding them, flushing them, and using them as toilet paper for all we know. Bolton’s crime is merely a tribute act, a cover version of the Trump administration’s greatest hits. If Trump can get away with inciting a riot, surely Bolton can be forgiven for a little bit of document larceny?
The court, however, was not impressed. Bolton will likely face a slap on the wrist, a fine that he can pay with the royalties from his book, and a stern lecture from a judge who probably has a copy of that same book on his nightstand. The irony is thick enough to cut with a chainsaw. Bolton, the man who once called for bombing Iran, has now become the poster boy for bureaucratic oversight. The emperor of chaos has been caught with his pants down, and they are full of classified documents.
In the grand theatre of American politics, this is but a minor farce. The real tragedy is that Bolton will probably get a book deal out of this too. “Pleading Guilty: My Journey from Spook to Felon” has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? We await his inevitable appearance on Fox News, where he will attribute his actions to a deep-seated love of country and a healthy disregard for the rules. Meanwhile, the rest of us will continue to watch the circus, popcorn in hand, wondering when the clowns will start driving their tiny cars off the cliff of justice.
