In a tragic turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the sedate world of boules, a 68 year old pétanque player has been killed by the very instrument of his pastime. A metal boule, propelled with perhaps a touch too much Gallic fervour, struck the gentleman square on the noggin. He died at the scene, presumably pondering the irony of being felled by a game that requires one to stand perfectly still while lobbing heavy balls.
UK sport bodies, in a state of emergency, have called for a safety review. Yes, a review. Because nothing says 'We care' like a committee meeting and a pamphlet.
One can almost hear the furious scratching of pens as officials draft new rules: 'Players must wear reinforced steel helmets. Spectators must stand behind bulletproof glass. The boules must be replaced with foam replicas.
' But wait, there's more. The pétanque community is in mourning. They speak of the deceased in hushed tones, remembering his precise throws and his immaculate beret.
They will gather tonight, clink their pastis glasses, and wonder if the game they love has become too dangerous. Meanwhile, the boule that caused the tragedy sits in evidence, a gleaming testament to the absurdity of fate. It is a perfect sphere, cold and indifferent, waiting for the next game.
Safety review pending, of course.
