In a twist that has left Whitehall mandarins choking on their Earl Grey, the Iran nuclear deal has prompted Her Majesty's Government to ponder the price tag of their poodle-act in the Gulf. It seems the chaps in Washington have been playing chess while the British were still setting up the Monopoly board, and the bill for that little Iraqi adventure just came due.
Let's be honest, shall we? The Gulf war strategy, a splendidly expensive exercise in delivering democracy via cruise missile, has left Britain with the foreign policy equivalent of a hangover after a particularly reckless stag do in Las Vegas. We built the coalition, we sang 'Rule Britannia', and we ended up with a broken economy and a lot of sand in our shoes.
Now comes this nuclear deal, a diplomatic triumph that resolves things without actually firing anything. It's almost as if talking to people yields better results than bombing them. Who knew? The Treasury boys are now furiously calculating how many hospitals could have been built for the cost of a single Trident missile. Spoiler: a lot.
Of course, the Americans are playing their usual game of 'my way or the highway'. But the highway, I suspect, is paved with the charred remains of Iraq and the frozen assets of Iran. Meanwhile, Britain stands at the crossroads, wondering if the special relationship is worth the special price. Perhaps it's time we renegotiated that subscription, before we end up paying for the next US adventure in drone-strike currency.
So here we are, staring into the abyss of realpolitik while the chattering classes debate the finer points of uranium enrichment. The government will no doubt issue a statement expressing 'deep concern' and 'continued commitment'. But deep down, they know the jig is up. The Gulf war was a costly mistake, and the nuclear deal is the receipt.
Let us raise a glass of warm gin to the new era of diplomacy. It's cheaper, it's less messy, and it doesn't require an exit strategy. Just a lot of patience and a genuine desire to avert Armageddon. Britain, for once, might just learn a lesson. But I wouldn't bet the farm on it.
