Earth’s very own glittering migraine, the Aurora Australis, has been captured in a groundbreaking selfie by a British astronaut. The footage, which shows the southern lights twirling like a drunken ballerina on acid, has left the scientific community questioning whether they’ve been doing it all wrong. 'We usually rely on complicated algorithms and telescopes,' said Dr.
Algernon Spooner from the Royal Society. 'But apparently, all we needed was a chap with a GoPro and a gin and tonic floating around in zero gravity.' The astronaut, who remains unnamed due to the Official Secrets Act (or maybe just a desire for privacy), reportedly took the timelapse while preparing his afternoon tea.
'I was making Earl Grey when I noticed the curtains needed adjusting,' he said in a press release. 'One thing led to another, and suddenly I’m the envy of every nature photographer on Earth.' Critics, however, have pointed out that the footage is indistinguishable from a screensaver.
'It’s lovely, I suppose, but where’s the threat?' asked a visibly unimpressed Ed Miliband. 'The aurora isn’t going to solve the housing crisis, is it?
' Meanwhile, the UK Space Agency has hailed the video as a triumph of British ingenuity. 'Forget Brexit, this is proof that we can still compete on the world stage,' said a spokesperson. 'We may have lost the EU, but we’ve gained a spectacular light show.
' The footage, which has already been viewed 10,000 times on Twitter, is expected to become a staple of meditation apps and psychedelic rock concerts. When asked for comment, the astronaut simply winked and said, 'They don’t call it the final frontier for nothing.' Or perhaps that was a momentary lapse into melodrama.
Either way, the universe remains an unapologetic show-off.
