In a development that has left both the debris and the local population equally unimpressed, a team of British structural engineers has arrived in La Guaira to offer their 'expertise' on the recent collapse that has claimed an unknown number of lives. The engineers, identifiable by their high-visibility jackets and an air of mild inconvenience at the humidity, have reportedly begun a thorough investigation involving a lot of head shaking and the drawing of vaguely offended diagrams on napkins.
'We've seen this before,' declared Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe, lead engineer and a man who has apparently seen everything, from the collapse of a garden wall in Surrey to a minor crack in the M40. 'It's a classic case of insufficient use of British standards. If only they'd consulted us before the whole thing fell down, we could have recommended a good cup of tea and a risk assessment.'
Local residents, many of whom are still digging through the rubble with their bare hands, seemed bemused by the arrival of the clipboard-wielding saviours. 'They asked me if I had considered lateral load distribution,' said Maria Gonzales, a woman who lost her home and her uncle in the disaster. 'I showed them where the building used to be. They nodded and wrote something down.'
The British government, ever keen to offer a stiff upper lip in the face of tragedy, has expressed its 'deep concern' and 'readiness to assist.' A foreign office spokesperson confirmed that the engineers have been equipped with ample supplies of tea bags, biscuits, and a laser pointer to better illustrate their points about 'compressive stress.'
Meanwhile, the search and rescue operation continues, hampered now by the need to navigate around a group of men in hard hats who keep muttering about 'non-compliance' and 'temporary works.' The engineers have established a base camp in a local café, requisitioned the best table, and are currently debating whether the building collapsed due to a lack of shear walls or simply poor workmanship. 'Either way, it's not something a bit of British know-how can't solve,' said Ponsonby-Smythe, adjusting his tie.
As the sun sets on another day of tragedy, the British engineers remain, offering solutions that are both too late and entirely theoretical. But fear not, dear reader: if there's one thing a collapsed building needs, it's a good, solid official report, written in impeccable English, that will be submitted to the Venezuelan authorities in triplicate. The rubble will understand.
