So Canada is to join Eurovision. The BBC, in a tone of grave solemnity befitting a constitutional crisis rather than a song contest, has pledged ‘fair and rigorous’ judging standards. One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from the Island’s cultural commissars.
But let us not be fooled. This is not about fairness. This is about injecting a dose of wholesome, multicultural blandness into a competition that once gloried in its glorious, kitschy absurdity.
Eurovision was the last bastion of unapologetic, nationalistic camp. Now it will be sanitised by Canadian politeness. Expect entries about maple syrup, healthcare, and apologies.
The contest will become a seminar. And the BBC, ever the guardian of propriety, will ensure every juror has a degree in intersectionality. How very 2027.
How very dull.
