In a move that has left the medical establishment both deeply impressed and mildly concerned, NHS cardiologists have reportedly shared their life-saving protocol with Danish medics following Christian Eriksen’s unfortunate on-pitch shenanigans. The protocol, scribbled on a napkin during a particularly frantic tea break, apparently involves three simple steps: 1) Yell 'CLEAR!' 2) Apply paddles 3) Hope the patient isn't secretly a robot.
Eriksen, who now has a permanent heart device that could probably power a small Danish village, is said to be 'doing fine' which in football terms means he's already considering a lucrative sponsorship deal with a battery company. The NHS, meanwhile, has released a statement confirming that their protocol is 'sound' and 'roughly 73% as reliable as a guess.' Cardiologists worldwide are now scrambling to replace their own protocols with this new, chaotic method, which has been proven to work at least once.
