In a move that has left diplomats scrambling for their smelling salts and thesaurus, Chinese President Xi Jinping has embarked on a rare state visit to North Korea, a nation so reclusive it makes Greta Garbo look like a Kardashian. The UK, ever the guardian of global etiquette, has promptly called for United Nations sanctions, presumably for crimes against geopolitical fashion.
Downing Street issued a statement thick with indignation, accusing Xi of 'undermining regional stability' one suspects for the simple crime of not informing them of his travel plans. Perhaps they were worried he might not send a postcard. The Prime Minister, a man whose authority is currently about as solid as a chocolate fireguard, has demanded the UN Security Council convene at once to discuss this 'dangerous provocation'.
Let us be clear: Xi meeting Kim Jong-un is about as surprising as finding a politician lying. The two men share a love of absolute power, personality cults, and the sort of haircuts that would make a barber weep. But the West loves to feign shock, as if discovering that the Pope is Catholic and bears do indeed defecate in wooded areas.
Meanwhile, analysts are frantically trying to discern the deeper meaning. Is Xi seeking to embarrass Trump? Is he testing the UN's resolve? Or is he simply after a decent plate of Pyongyang cold noodles? The foreign office mandarins, clutching their briefs as if they were life rafts, have concluded that this visit could 'destabilise the region'. The region being, of course, their carefully calibrated diplomatic cocktail parties.
The UK’s call for sanctions is a work of pure performance art. It allows the government to look tough while achieving precisely nothing. After all, when has a UN sanction ever stopped a determined autocrat? It is like trying to contain a hurricane with a sternly worded letter. The Chinese will veto any serious measure anyway, rendering this little more than a diplomatic tantrum.
What is truly at stake here is the delicate balance of the Korean peninsula, a place where history goes to die. Xi’s visit gives Kim a veneer of legitimacy, a nod from the world’s second largest economy. It is a masterstroke of geopolitical chess, while the West is still trying to figure out which piece is the horsey.
In the end, this is not about stability. It is about influence. The UK, desperate to matter in a post-Brexit world, clings to the UN like a drunk to a lamppost. Xi, meanwhile, is quietly redrawing the map. The only thing threatened by this visit is the West’s delusion that it is still in charge. Sapere aude, indeed.
