In a tale that has left British mountaineers clutching their Kendal Mint Cake in admiration, a Nepalese guide has survived six days on the roof of the world with nothing but a bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk and a handful of ice chips. The guide, whose name translates roughly to 'He Who Forgot His Rucksack,' was stranded at 7,000 metres when a rogue yeti (later revealed to be a disgruntled member of the baggage-handling union) made off with his supplies. 'I had a King Size bar and a lot of time to think about my life choices,' he reportedly muttered through chattering teeth.
British climbers, used to surviving on gin and the smug satisfaction of having once climbed Snowdon in the rain, have hailed this as 'remarkable resilience.' One veteran mountaineer, Sir Reginald Fotheringay-Smythe, told this correspondent that he once survived a whole weekend in a Cotswolds cottage on a single packet of Hobnobs. 'But this?
This is the real deal,' he said, wiping a tear that may have been condensation from his flask. The guide was rescued after a Sherpa helicopter team, drawn by the faint sound of a chocolate wrapper rustling, located him huddled in a crevasse. He was found clutching the wrapper, on which he had written a shopping list for his next expedition: 'More chocolate.
Less ice.' Hats off to you, sir. You’ve made every British person who’s ever complained about a delayed M&S sandwich feel deeply, profoundly ashamed.
