In a development that has shocked precisely no one with a pulse and a working knowledge of modern politics, Colombia has elected a populist. Specifically, they have elected one of the Trump-endorsed variety, a man whose political platform appears to be a sickening blend of nationalism, Twitter tantrums, and an alarming fondness for avocado tariffs. The result?
The entire British establishment is now doing that thing where they clutch their pearls and furiously redraw their trade flowcharts. The new president, a chap named something that sounds vaguely like a motorboat engine failing, has already promised to 'bring back the real Colombia' (whatever that means). The UK, desperate for any friends since its own Brexit circus, now faces the prospect of having to court a man who thinks 'special relationship' is a euphemism for 'let's see what you can offer me.
' Expect a flurry of diplomatic cables, a few hastily scheduled Zoom calls, and a sudden uptick in gin consumption among Foreign Office staff.