In a move that has left political scientists reaching for the smelling salts and cartographers weeping into their Carlsbergs, Mette Frederiksen has finally pieced together a government after months of deadlock that made watching paint dry look like a competitive sport. The negotiations, which lasted longer than a Scandinavian winter, involved enough backroom deals to make a used car salesman blush and enough compromises to turn a socialist into a free-market anarchist.
The trouble began when the election results came in, and no one could agree on who had actually won. It was like a game of musical chairs where everyone was too polite to sit down. Frederiksen, ever the pragmatist, decided that if she couldn't get a majority, she would just let the minority rule, which is the political equivalent of building a house on a foundation of broken promises and soggy biscuits.
The new government is a motley crew of odd bedfellows: a coalition of Social Democrats, Social Liberals, and the Socialist People's Party, with the former two having all the ideological purity of a vodka made from fermented root vegetables. This is a government that will spend its time arguing about welfare spending while Denmark burns, metaphorically speaking, which is the only way Denmark burns.
Frederiksen, a woman whose smile could freeze a fjord, promised 'a new direction' for Denmark. Which direction? Nobody knows. Perhaps the direction that leads away from the recent scandals involving her former immigration minister and a botched mink cull that made the government smell worse than a wet dog in a sauna. But hey, at least they're consistent: they've messed up so badly that they now hold the record for most mink-related governmental crises in the history of ever.
The opposition, a collection of grumpy old men and bewildered youth, have promised to hold the government to account, which essentially means they'll shout a lot and get nowhere. It's the political equivalent of a mime screaming in a soundproof booth. But given the state of Danish politics, where even the far-right parties are too polite to be properly racist, this is considered 'robust debate'.
As Frederiksen takes the reins, one wonders: will this government last longer than a Danish pastry in a bakery? Or will it crumble faster than a poorly built Lego castle? Only time will tell. But in the meantime, the rest of the world can look on with bemused bewilderment, safe in the knowledge that no matter how bad their own political situation gets, at least they don't have to worry about mink-based government collapses.
So raise a glass of snaps to Mette Frederiksen, the woman who proved that in politics, as in life, if you can't get what you want, just take what you can and hope no one notices. Skål!
