In a shocking turn of events that has sent tremors through the cognac-and-biscuit circuits of Whitehall, Denmark's Mette Frederiksen has managed to cobble together a government after months of political deadlock. The news was met with a collective gasp from British MPs who promptly began furiously Googling 'Scandinavian political stability' while stroking their chins with the air of men who have just discovered a new species of cheese. Frederiksen, a woman who looks like she could negotiate a peace treaty with a polar bear while simultaneously knitting a sweater, has emerged from the fog of Danish politics with a coalition that includes everyone except perhaps the local mermaids.
The UK, ever the eager chap at the party, has immediately signalled its interest in 'strengthening Nordic ties,' a phrase that in translation means 'desperately seeking friends who don’t judge us for Brexit.' One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from Downing Street as they realise there is now another country whose political process they can patronise. But let us not be too harsh.
Frederiksen’s achievement is no small feat. She has done what no British PM has managed since the days of Attlee: form a stable government without a leadership contest involving someone crying. The Danish parliament, a place where consensus is treated with the reverence the British reserve for queue-jumping, has been a model of chaos these past months.
But now, with the skill of a surgeon and the patience of a saint, Frederiksen has woven together a tapestry of left, right, and centre that would make a Swiss watchmaker weep with envy. The UK, still reeling from its own political theatrics, sees in Denmark a potential ally in the fight against... well, against everything really.
Trade deals, fishing rights, and perhaps a shared appreciation for pastries that aren't French. The Foreign Office has already dispatched a delegation armed with leaflets titled 'How to be British: A Guide for Vikings.' The irony is not lost on anyone.
That a country which cannot decide what colour its own passport should be is now offering guidance to a nation that has somehow managed to keep its monarchy, its welfare state, and its sense of humour intact. But perhaps that is the beauty of politics: it is a theatre where everyone claps, even when the script makes no sense. And so we raise a glass of aquavit to Mette Frederiksen, the woman who has done the impossible.
May her coalition last longer than a British cabinet reshuffle, and may the UK-Nordic ties be stronger than the urge to complain about the weather. Skål.
