A new South African reality programme has ignited a firestorm of debate over the ancient art of polygamy, sending British cultural attachés scrambling for their phrasebooks and a stiff G&T. The show, which follows a polygamous household in Johannesburg, has been denounced by the usual suspects as a 'blight on civilisation' and praised by libertines as 'a jolly good lark'. It's the kind of cultural collision that makes one grateful for the Empire's glorious legacy of confusion.
Meanwhile, the British Cultural Mission to Pretoria has been seen huddling over dispatch boxes, trying to determine whether polygamy constitutes a 'cultural practice' worthy of protection or a 'social experiment' best left to the Netflix algorithm. One attaché, who spoke on condition of anonymity (and a sizeable gin ration), confided: 'We're out of our depth. We've barely mastered the concept of monogamy. The last time we tried sharing a spouse, it ended in the House of Lords debating the moral implications of a civil partnership for a corgi.'
The show's producers, clearly chuffed by the global outrage, have announced a second series featuring a polycule in Swaziland. Meanwhile, the British response has been predictably muddled: the Foreign Office has issued a statement 'monitoring developments', while the Church of England has called for a period of 'quiet reflection' – which is code for 'please stop sending us angry letters'.
But let's be honest: Britons have no moral high ground here. We're a nation that can't decide if it's okay to marry your cousin, let alone your cousin's three best mates from university. Our own royal family has a penchant for remarrying the same person twice, after a brief dalliance with a horse trainer. So perhaps we should sip our tea, mind our own crumpets, and let the South Africans get on with it. After all, if history has taught us anything, it's that the British have no business telling anyone how to structure their romantic entanglements. Not since we tried to export the concept of 'polite flirtation' to India, anyway.
