In a stunning display of diplomatic prowess that has left the world gagging for a stiff gin and tonic, Her Majesty’s Government has announced that dozens of vessels have successfully transited the Strait of Hormuz following a US-Iran deal. The deal, brokered in a smoky room somewhere between a White House briefing and a Tehran bazaar, has apparently granted freedom of navigation to all those who promise not to wave Union Jacks too aggressively. The news comes as a relief to the global shipping industry, which had been on the verge of a collective aneurysm as oil tankers played a very expensive game of chicken with Revolutionary Guard speedboats.
British diplomats, no doubt lubricated by warm Chardonnay and a sense of moral superiority, have been credited with smoothing over the final wrinkles in the agreement. “We simply reminded both parties that the sea belongs to everyone, except pirates and the French,” said a Foreign Office spokesperson, adjusting his monocle. The deal allows for the safe passage of commercial vessels, provided they do not stop to admire the Iranian coastline or engage in any impromptu regattas.
Critics have pointed out that the agreement is little more than a temporary Band-Aid on a festering geopolitical wound, but for now, the world can breathe a sigh of relief and return to the important business of binge-watching Netflix and avoiding small talk. The ships, a motley flotilla of oil tankers, container ships, and the odd yacht belonging to a Russian oligarch, are now steaming towards their respective destinations, their crews no doubt toasting British diplomacy with a cup of tea and a digestive biscuit. The question remains: how long will this fragile peace hold?
Probably until someone mentions the word “Brexit” in a sensitive context.
