In a stunning display of cross-Channel common sense, the Dutch have unveiled a youth employment strategy so revolutionary it may cause a collective aneurysm in the British civil service. The model, charmingly titled 'no dead ends,' ensures that every young person is either in education, training, or work, with no permitted detours into the existential void of unemployment. British ministers, predictably, have been urged to adopt this approach, which is roughly equivalent to urging a goldfish to adopt a bicycle.
The Department for Work and Pensions responded with a statement so evasive it could have been written by a government department for the express purpose of saying absolutely nothing. 'We are considering the report with interest,' they bleated, which is Whitehall-speak for 'We will file this in the round cabinet reserved for good ideas that require effort.' One cannot help but picture the Dutch model as a gleaming, efficient windmill, while our own system resembles a rusty tumble dryer full of damp socks and broken dreams.
The youth unemployment rate in the Netherlands hovers around 8%, while in the UK it flirts with 12%, a gap that could be filled with the hot air expelled from Westminster during any given Prime Minister’s Questions. Let us not forget that Britain’s approach to youth employment has historically consisted of telling young people to 'pull themselves up by their bootstraps' while simultaneously cutting the funding for boots. The Dutch, meanwhile, have somehow avoided the siren call of austerity and opted for a system that actually functions.
It is almost as if they have realised that investing in young people yields returns, a concept that remains as foreign to the Treasury as a sense of humour. The report, produced by some quango or other, suggests that British ministers should 'look seriously' at the Dutch model. They might start by looking seriously at how to run a country without treating every policy as a hostage negotiation with the markets.
Or they could, and this is a radical thought, actually implement something that works. But that would require admitting that other countries do things better, which is a step too far for a political class that still insists the Empire was a net positive. In the meantime, young Britons will continue to navigate a labyrinth of zero-hours contracts, unpaid internships, and the occasional bout of hope that is swiftly crushed by a cost-of-living crisis.
The Dutch model is 'no dead ends.' The British model is 'all dead ends, please form an orderly queue.' I need a gin.
A large one. Preferably served in a Dutch tulip bulb.
