The earth, in a fit of pique, has decided to rearrange the landscape of the southern Philippines. At least 32 souls have been shaken from their mortal coils, with many more trapped under the rubble of their own homes. The UK, ever the gentleman in a crisis, has dispatched a rescue team. Because nothing says 'we care' quite like a group of people in high-vis jackets arriving 48 hours late with a cup of tea and a map.
Let us pause to consider the sheer audacity of tectonic plates. They shift without warning, without parliamentary debate, without even a cursory risk assessment. They are the ultimate anarchists. Meanwhile, our government, which cannot organise a proper queue at a bus stop, has managed to rustle up a team of brave souls to fly halfway across the world. One can only assume the team consists of former miners, mountaineers, and that bloke from the pub who claims he can 'fix anything'.
But let us not be cynical. This is a tragedy. Thirty-two families are now missing a father, a mother, a child. The Philippines, a country that has seen more than its share of natural calamities, is once again picking up the pieces. And the UK? The UK is there, because that is what we do. We are the nation that sends aid, that offers comfort, that stands shoulder to shoulder with the afflicted. We are also the nation that charges £9 for a round of gin and tonics at Gatwick, but let's not dwell on that.
The rescue team will undoubtedly perform heroically. They will dig through debris, comfort the bereaved, and possibly adopt a stray dog. They will be lauded in the press, and rightly so. But I cannot shake the feeling that this is all a bit too convenient. A disaster in a far-flung place, and suddenly the government remembers we have a foreign policy. Never mind the NHS crumbling, the homeless freezing, the trains not running on time. Send a team to the Philippines. It's good PR.
Still, I suppose it is better than doing nothing. Better than the alternative, which is a shrug and a tweet. The UK rescue team will save lives, and for that, we should be grateful. They are the best of us, the ones who run towards danger while the rest of us run towards the kettle. So here's to them: the heroes in hi-vis, the angels with air miles. May their shovels be swift, their tea strong, and their return journey filled with the knowledge that they did some good.
And to the people of the Philippines: we see you. We do not always act, but when we do, it is with the full force of a nation that once ruled the waves and now rules the art of awkward sympathy. Our hearts are with you. Also our search dogs. And a crate of Hendrick's, if customs allows.
