In a development that has left the World Health Organisation reaching for a stiff G&T, five Ebola patients have been discharged from a treatment centre in the Democratic Republic of Congo, thanks to what the Foreign Office is calling 'UK-led diplomacy.' Apparently, the British approach to viral haemorrhagic fevers involves not just medical expertise but also a heaping helping of old-fashioned chinwagging. One can only imagine the scene: a British diplomat, gin in hand, negotiating with the Ebola virus itself.
'Look here, old chap, you're being terribly unreasonable. Why not just bugger off and let these poor souls go home?' And lo, the virus, bewildered by such pluck, retreated.
But let us not be churlish. This is genuinely good news. Five people who were staring into the abyss are now staring into the faces of their loved ones, and that is no small thing.
The UK's role, whether through funding, logistics, or simply providing a stiff upper lip to lean on, deserves a tip of the hat. Or at least a toast with a G&T, preferably one of those fancy ones with elderflower tonic. Though let us not forget the 3,000 other cases in this outbreak.
The war is far from over. But for now, we celebrate. Five lives saved, five families whole again, five reasons to believe that sometimes, just sometimes, diplomacy and science can work better than a panicked rush for the exit.
The DR Congo's health minister, Dr Oly Ilunga, said: 'This is a sign of hope.' Indeed it is. Now if only we could apply this same diplomatic magic to climate change, Brexit, and the inexplicable popularity of Crocs.
But one thing at a time. The Department for International Development has pumped £5 million into the response, which sounds like a lot until you realise it's roughly the cost of a single MP's second home renovation. Priorities, eh?
Still, for today, the gin flows freely in the newsroom. Here's to the survivors, the medics, and the diplomats who, for once, did something other than talk. Cheers.
