In a development that has sent shivers of relief down the collective spine of the development sector, a six-year-old Ebola patient in the Democratic Republic of Congo has been found safe after a brief but minutely televised disappearance. The Foreign Office, never one to miss an opportunity to look busy, has issued a statement backing DR Congo efforts. The statement, written on premium letterhead and signed with a flourish by a junior minister who has never been within 500 miles of an Ebola outbreak, expresses 'full support' for the Congolese authorities.
This means that the UK is now officially responsible if anything goes wrong, but will take no credit if things go right. It is the sort of bold, decisive action that has made the Foreign Office the laughing stock of the international community. One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from Whitehall.
'We have demonstrated our commitment to global health security,' said the minister, who struggled to locate the DRC on a map during the briefing. The tot, meanwhile, is reportedly in good health and has been returned to his family, who are no doubt deeply grateful that the UK government is doing absolutely nothing to help them beyond issuing statements. This is the kind of intervention that makes one proud to be British.
Or at least, that's what the government wants you to think. The real story, as ever, is that the Congolese health workers did all the work while the UK government patted itself on the back for offering moral support. It is a tale as old as colonialism itself.
The tot is safe, but the sickness of bureaucratic point-scoring continues to spread.
