In a move that has surprised absolutely no one, the UK economy has contracted sharply, with analysts pointing fingers at the escalating Iran conflict. But let's be honest, the economy has been on a bender since Brexit, and this is just the hangover. The pound is now worth approximately three packs of Hobnobs and a vague promise.
Downing Street insists it's all under control, which is about as reassuring as a blindfolded fire brigade. The real tragedy? Gin prices remain unaffected, so we can still drown our sorrows in style.
