In a development that has sent shockwaves through the chattering classes from Albany to Aldgate, the New York primaries were swept yesterday by a tidal wave of candidates endorsed by the enigmatic Professor Mahmood Mamdani. Yes, the same Mamdani who has been giving American imperialism the side-eye since before most of these candidates were born. The result? A political earthquake that has left the British establishment clutching their pearls and reaching for the smelling salts.
Let's be clear: this is not your father's Democratic primary. These are candidates who have read a book, possibly two. They speak of 'decolonisation' and 'reparations' with the same ease that your average British MP discusses the proper temperature for a G&T. The victors include a Somali-American community organiser who once compared the NYPD to the Janjaweed, a Puerto Rican socialist who wants to abolish ICE and replace it with a poetry recital, and a white guy from Brooklyn who apologised for his existence so profusely that he was mistaken for a Canadian.
Across the pond, our British allies are watching with the kind of cautious horror usually reserved for a distant relative's wedding speech. Whitehall sources (which is journalistic code for 'a man in a pub who once met a civil servant') describe the situation as 'deeply concerning'. The Foreign Office has apparently dusted off its contingency plans for a world where America no longer functions as the world's policeman, but rather as its slightly unhinged aunt who thinks the illuminati are controlling the weather.
The irony, of course, is that Mamdani is the one who wrote the book on how empires collapse. His 2004 work 'Good Muslim, Bad Muslim' is basically a user manual for the decline of the American century. And now his acolytes are running for school board in Queens. It's like watching a political science lecture come to life, but with more lawn signs and fewer turtlenecks.
What does this mean for Britain? On a practical level, expect a lot of nervous titters at the next G7 summit. Boris Johnson's successor (whoever that poor soul may be) will have to navigate a Washington that no longer speaks the same language. The special relationship? More like a special needs relationship. We'll still share intelligence, but there's going to be a lot of awkward silence about drone strikes.
But let's not get too hysterical. These are primaries, not coronations. The general election is still a fickle beast, and the Democratic establishment hasn't exactly welcomed these newcomers with open arms. Expect a lot of hand-wringing about 'electability' and 'moderation' from the pundit class. But one thing is certain: the old certainties are gone. The empire, it turns out, strikes back by making its own citizens angry. And that, dear readers, is a show worth watching with a stiff drink.
So raise a glass to Professor Mamdani. Whether you agree with him or not, he has done what every great intellectual dreams of: he has made the powerful nervous. And in these dark times, that is a small but potent victory. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to check if my gin ration has been affected by the supply chain crisis. The revolution will not be televised, but it will definitely be parched.
