In a twist that would make a pantomime horse blush, Ethiopia has decided that democracy is best served cold. Voting has been suspended in several 'security hotspots.' Which is bureaucrat-speak for 'places where the bullets have a better voting record than the people.
' The Ethiopian Election Board, with the solemnity of a man trying to thread a needle on a rollercoaster, announced that polling stations in parts of Tigray, Amhara, and a few other places that have become synonymous with 'pandemonium' would not be opening their doors. Because, let's face it, hard to count ballots when the ballot box keeps getting shot at. Meanwhile, UK aid agencies, those professional hand-wringers of the global catastrophe circuit, are warning of famine.
Yes, famine. Because nothing says 'democratic transition' like a good old-fashioned food shortage. The same organisations that brought you 'Make Poverty History' now bring you 'Make History Stop Repeating Itself.
' They are, of course, deeply concerned. You can tell because their press releases use words like 'catastrophic' and 'unprecedented' and 'please donate now.' But let's not be too hasty to judge.
Perhaps the suspension of voting is a cunning ploy to ensure a fair election by removing the inconvenience of actual voters. After all, who needs voters when you have armed militias and a government that views the opposition as just another insurgent group? The whole affair has the air of a chaotic board game where the rules are rewritten every time someone lands on a square marked 'civil war.
' And as the great philosopher T.S. Eliot might have said, 'This is the way the election ends, not with a bang but a suspended ballot.
' So raise a glass of warm, dusty Ethiopian gin. To democracy. To famine.
To the UK aid agencies who will no doubt convene an emergency meeting to discuss an emergency meeting. The circus continues. The clowns are in charge.
And the popcorn is running out.
