In a twist that nobody saw coming, unless they’ve ever watched a German football match from the 1930s, FIFA is demanding an explanation after a VAR official was caught on live telly making a hand gesture that looked suspiciously like a Nazi salute. Yes, the same gesture that ruined a perfectly good moustache for everyone. The official, presumably bored of ruining perfectly good goals with microscopic offside calls, decided to spice things up by harking back to the bad old days of goose-stepping and brown shirts.
UK football bodies, those bastions of moral outrage who wouldn’t know a real controversy if it bit them on the FA Cup, are reportedly ‘alarmed’. Alarmed! They’ve spent years ignoring racism in the stands and corruption in the boardroom, but a hand gesture that might, possibly, be a bit Nazi?
That’s where they draw the line. Quelle surprise. The official claims it was just a muscle spasm or a misunderstood signal to the goalkeeper.
Of course it was. And I’m the Queen of Sheba. Let’s be honest, football’s relationship with common decency has always been a bit like a drunken one-night stand: flashy, regrettable and full of denial.
FIFA, in their infinite wisdom, will probably slap him with a sternly worded letter and a fine of approximately three pounds fifty. Meanwhile, the rest of us can enjoy the beautiful game’s latest masterpiece of hypocrisy. It’s almost as if the whole sport is a metaphor for something deeply, irredeemably broken.
But what do I know? I’m just a man with a gin and a keyboard. Sieg Heil, VAR.
Sieg Heil.
