In a move that has sent British diplomats into a flurry of pearl-clutching and eyebrow-tweaking, Ghana has officially enacted its anti-LGBTQ+ bill, prompting stern warnings from London about the imminent peril to Commonwealth trade. Because nothing says 'diplomatic finesse' like threatening sanctions over a country’s internal moral panic.
The bill, which criminalises not only same-sex relations but also any form of advocacy or support for LGBTQ+ rights, has been signed into law with the kind of ceremonial flourish usually reserved for declaring war on a neighbouring country or banning chewing gum in parliament. Ghanaian lawmakers, clearly having exhausted all other pressing issues like the economy and healthcare, have instead chosen to focus on the grave danger posed by people who just want to hold hands in peace.
Enter the British diplomats, those stalwart guardians of global decency, who have promptly issued statements filled with words like 'concern' and 'regret' and 'potential repercussions'. Because absolutely nothing screams 'we care about human rights' like threatening to cut off trade deals when there are pounds to be made. The Foreign Office, in a masterclass of passive aggression, has hinted that this could affect Ghana’s preferential access to UK markets. Because what better way to promote tolerance than by threatening economic ruin?
But let us not forget the sheer, glorious absurdity of it all. Here we have a continent where corruption is as common as mosquitoes, where infrastructure crumbles faster than a biscuit in tea, and where the biggest threat to the average citizen is not a gay person but rather the lack of reliable electricity. Yet the government has chosen to dedicate its legislative energies to passing a law that, at its core, is about policing what consenting adults do behind closed doors. It is the political equivalent of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, only the deck chairs are made of bigotry and the Titanic is sailing straight into an iceberg of economic stagnation.
And what of the Commonwealth, that quaint vestige of empire where former colonies gather annually to pretend they are all on equal footing while sipping tea and ignoring the elephant in the room? The threat of sanctions against a Commonwealth member over this issue is like a stern letter from a landlord who has not yet fixed the leaky roof. It is a performative gesture, a diplomatic huff, a way for Britain to look righteous without actually having to do anything drastic like, say, cutting trade with Saudi Arabia over its human rights record. Oh no, that would be too much effort.
The real kicker, the most exquisitely British part of this whole debacle, is the assumption that Ghana cares what Britain thinks. Ghana is a sovereign nation, after all, and if it wants to pass a law that makes its citizens less free, that is its prerogative. The idea that a former colonial master can wag a finger and expect a respectful 'sorry, guv'nor' is laughable. It is the same tone-deafness that led to the Brexit farce. Britain left the EU to reclaim its sovereignty, and now it is telling a former colony how to run its affairs? The irony is so thick you could spread it on a crumpet.
Ultimately, this is a story about the failure of both sides. Ghana chooses prejudice over progress, and Britain chooses economic leverage over genuine moral clarity. And in the middle, ordinary Ghanaians and LGBTQ+ individuals will suffer, as they always do, caught between the hammer of local bigotry and the anvil of international indifference. But hey, at least the diplomats have something to talk about at their cocktail parties.
So here is to the absurdity of it all. To the politicians who think they can legislate love, and to the diplomats who think they can bully countries into being better. May your sanctions be swift, your tea be warm, and your contradictions be glaringly obvious to everyone except yourselves.
