In a move that redefines the phrase 'making waves,' Ukraine has apparently decided that the Black Sea was far too calm and has set about turning cargo ships into impromptu reefs. The hulls of merchant vessels, minding their own business and probably carrying things like 'grain' and 'economic stability,' are now acquainted with the business end of Ukrainian ordnance. Romania, the perpetually spurned suitor of the region, has issued a sternly worded condemnation, which is the diplomatic equivalent of tutting loudly at a bus fire.
This is escalation, but the absurd kind where everyone involved seems to have forgotten that the sea is supposed to be for trade, not target practice. One can only imagine the chaos in shipping insurance boardrooms: actuaries nervously adjusting their spectacles as they redraw the maps of 'high risk' zones with trembling hands. Meanwhile, the Kremlin will no doubt use this as an excuse to blame NATO for everything from the weather to the declining quality of Russian vodka.
It's all part of the grand theatre of modern warfare, where the stage is a shipping lane and the audience is too busy fleeing to applaud. This correspondent, having consumed sufficient gin to contemplate the maritime implications, notes that the only thing more reckless than striking cargo ships is trying to explain the Geneva Conventions to a missile. Romania's condemnation rings hollow, like a bell in an empty cathedral of international law.
The truth is, everyone is stumbling around in a fog of war so thick you could slice it with a cutlass. And if you'll excuse me, I need to refill my glass and ponder whether this is all a prelude to a new global conflict or just a particularly vivid nightmare brought on by cheap tonic water.
