In a development that has sent tremors through the chancelleries of the world, or at least through the comment sections of the Mail Online, Donald J Trump, the man who single-handedly turned the nuclear button into a prop for a reality TV show, has confirmed he will visit India. The purpose? To thaw the 'frigid' relations between two men whose hands have, in separate incidents, been accused of being a bit too friendly with strangers.
Prime Minister Narendra Modi, the man with the world's most famous embrace and a penchant for photogenic yogic displays, will no doubt greet Trump with a bear hug that makes the Dalai Lama's grip look like a firm handshake. The geopolitical implications are staggering. Or they would be, if geopolitics weren't basically a WWE match now, complete with pre-scripted insults, sudden betrayals, and a trophy that looks suspiciously like a nuclear warhead.
Trump, fresh from his daily briefing of cable news and Twitter tirades, likely sees this as a chance to distract from his domestic woes. Modi, ever the stage manager of his own image, will likely roll out the red carpet so thick it could double as a cushion for his ambitions. The 'thaw' in relations, if it happens, will be less about trade deals and more about ego stroking.
Expect a joint statement that uses words like 'historic', 'unwavering', and 'friendship', while behind the scenes, aides scribble notes on how to handle the next tariff war. Oh, and the 'thaw' will be captured in high-definition, beamed across the globe, lest we forget that global politics is now just a subplot in the drama of two men who desperately want to be the hero of their own movie. I, for one, will be watching from the bar, gin in hand, toasting the absurdity of it all.
