Madrid, that sun-baked monument to sangria and siestas, has found a new god to worship. And it’s not the almighty Euro, though his Holiness the Pope is doing a fine impression of a loose change magnet. The city’s streets have been swollen with a tide of humanity so thick you could spread it on churros, all bobbing and swaying to the call of an open-air Mass.
Or as the tourism board likes to call it, 'a brand synergy opportunity'. Because nothing says 'spiritual transcendence' quite like a branded lanyard and a spot on the telly for the local hotel association. The crowd, a patchwork of the devout and the determinedly selfie-prone, stretched from the Plaza Mayor to the border of next week’s credit card statement.
They came for the Eucharist. They stayed for the merchandise. The Pope, looking like a beleaguered headmaster at a particularly rowdy assembly, waved from his popemobile, a vehicle that manages to be both bulletproof and deeply silly.
'Blessed are the poor in spirit,' he might have said, but what the crowd heard was, 'Blessed are those with a good network signal'. And lo, did the pilgrims lift up their phones unto the heavens, and they were not disappointed. The irony is as thick as the incense: a mass celebrating the humblest of carpenters, bankrolled by a tourism surge that would make a Pharisee blush.
Hotels are charging more than a cardinal’s ransom. Tapas bars have added a 'Papal Pilgrim Paella' for 30 euros, which is just regular paella with a side of guilt. The real miracle is that no one has yet tried to sell you a piece of the true cross on Etsy.
But give it time. So here we are, in the capital of Spain, a city that has mastered the art of turning everything into a fiesta, including a religious service that was supposed to be about quiet contemplation. The Pope will bless the crowds, the crowds will bless the economy, and everyone goes home with a sunburn and a story.
It’s a beautiful, cynical, glorious circus. And I’d have it no other way. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a gin and tonic to baptise.
