In a move that has left the tin foil hat community positively dizzy with vindication, the United States government has declassified several videos of Unidentified Flying Objects. Yes, you heard that right. The very same Pentagon that once insisted on 'national security' as a catch-all excuse for everything from secret bases to suspiciously large expenditures on paperclips, has now decided to share its celestial CCTV with the public. The footage, which shows objects performing aerial acrobatics that would make a fighter jet blush, has been officially acknowledged as 'unidentified' – a term that, in bureaucratic parlance, translates to 'we haven't got the foggiest idea, but we're not saying it's aliens... yet.'
Naturally, this has prompted a chorus of calls for the UK Ministry of Defence to follow suit. Because if there's one thing the British love more than queuing, it's a good old-fashioned cover-up. The MoD, to its credit, has a long and storied history of ignoring UFO sightings with the same enthusiasm it reserves for potholes and dental hygiene. But now, with our cousins across the pond waving their little green men in our faces, the pressure is on. The question is: will the MoD release their files, or will they continue to sit on them like a broody hen on a nest of classified eggs?
Let us not forget that the UK is the land of Stonehenge, crop circles, and a government that once spent millions on a 'Millennium Dome' that was meant to be a celebration of the future but ended up being a metaphor for empty promises. We are a nation that takes its UFOs seriously – or at least, we take the act of not talking about them seriously. The British way is to see a strange light in the sky, note it down in a little book, and then never speak of it again, preferably over a cup of tea. But now, the Americans have broken the code of silence, and our own defence ministry looks about as credible as a politician's promise.
Now, I am not saying the Americans have actually encountered extraterrestrial life. But if they have, I imagine the conversation went something like this: 'Greetings, Earthlings. We come in peace.' 'Hold on, let me just check with legal.' And then, after a 60-year delay, the declassification. Because that's how governments work: they make everything a matter of procedure, even first contact.
So, to the UK Ministry of Defence, I say this: release the files, you bloated bureaucracy of bean counters. Let the public see what you've been hiding in those dusty cabinets next to the plans for a tunnel to Ireland. Show us the saucers, the lights, the unexplained radar blips. Or, at the very least, give us a good story. Because if we are going to be invaded by little grey men with big eyes, I want to know whether they prefer a cup of PG Tips or a proper brew. And more importantly, will they have the decency to queue nicely at the mothership's arrival gate?
Until then, I'll be here, gin in hand, watching the skies and waiting for the truth – or at least a decent explanation for why my TV keeps showing repeats of 'The X-Files'.
