In a move that has the Foreign Office reaching for the Krug, a gaggle of Israeli nationalists has performed a daring daylight raid on the Al-Aqsa Mosque compound, a site so holy it makes the Vatican look like a branch of Tesco. The incident, which occurred at the crack of dawn (or perhaps the crack of something stronger), saw dozens of zealots chanting slogans and waving flags in what can only be described as a political version of a stag do gone horribly wrong.
British diplomats, caught mid-biscuit in their air-conditioned embassies, have issued a statement so carefully worded it could be mistaken for a cryptic crossword clue. They warn of “regional conflagration,” which is diplomatic code for “everyone’s about to lose their lunch.” The Foreign Office, never one to miss a chance for a good tut, has called for calm and restraint, as if that ever works in a region where even the tea is brewed with historical grievances.
Let us cast an eye over the players in this pantomime. On one side, the nationalists, who seem to believe that divine right is a valid planning permission. On the other, the Palestinian faithful, who view this as a fresh act of colonial vandalism. And caught in the middle, the Israeli authorities, who must now decide whether to arrest their own supporters or pretend it was all a bit of high-spirited fun, like a university rugby club but with more automatic weapons.
The site in question, known to Jews as the Temple Mount and to Muslims as the Noble Sanctuary, is a place where the spiritual and the psychotically belligerent collide. For years, it has been a volatile tinderbox, and today’s stunt is the equivalent of tossing a lit match into a barrel of gin. Which, incidentally, is what I plan to do with my afternoon.
But let’s not be too cynical. Perhaps this is all part of a grand plan to unite the region in shared exasperation. After all, nothing says “brotherly love” like mutual suspicion and the occasional stone-throwing. The British diplomats, for their part, will continue to wring their hands and issue reports, safe in the knowledge that their own breakfasts remain unmolested by actual conflict.
What will come of this latest ruckus? More of the same, I suspect: a grim cycle of provocation, reaction, and diplomatic huffing. Meanwhile, the rest of us can watch from a safe distance, sipping our tea (or gin) and marvelling at the sheer endurance of the human capacity for self-destruction. As ever, the only holy thing in Jerusalem is the traffic. Amen.
