In a development that has sent shockwaves through the collective hair-trigger indignation of the British commentariat, Kanye West is accused of placing his digits upon a throat not belonging to himself, and it has apparently driven even the famously catatonic House of Commons to flail its limbs in performative outrage. The rapper turned MAGA-hat milliner turned incoherence avatar has once again provided a canvas for the British political class to paint its own impotent fury upon, as calls for a tightening of our already Gordian knot of abuse laws are being brandished like a damp tea towel at a wasp. Apparently, it takes a petulant billionaire with a footwear empire the size of a small Caribbean nation to remind our legislators that they have feelings about violence against women.
The usual suspects are now tripping over themselves to propose amendments, statutes, and probably a dedicated hashtag or two, all because an American who once declared himself a god might have committed an act that would already be illegal under the very laws they claim need tightening. But logic, much like the concept of a quiet word in private, holds no sway in the pantomime of parliamentary virtue signalling. One cannot help but imagine the scene: MPs clutching their pearls with one hand while fumbling for the 'I condemn this strongly' pre-written letter with the other.
Perhaps they will form a committee, issue a report, and commission a painting of the event to hang in a corridor that nobody walks down. Meanwhile, Kanye West will continue his journey through the looking glass, safe in the knowledge that the British legal system is about as effective at stopping him as a Taser made of candy floss. The real tragedy here is that we are once again being asked to believe that the answer to every moral panic is more legislation, as if the statute books lack the heft to deter bad behaviour and need only a few more weighty clauses to finally make men stop behaving badly.
But then, this is the same Westminster that thinks a cup of tea solves everything, and we are all too sober to tolerate such nonsense.
