In news that will surprise absolutely no one who owns a functioning pair of eyes, Ethiopia’s ruling party has once again ‘won’ an election with the kind of landslide that only happens when the opposition is either in prison, in exile, or in shallow graves. Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed’s Prosperity Party claimed victory amid what can only be described as the political equivalent of a fire sale: everything must go, including hope, democracy, and the last shred of international credibility.
The result, announced with the solemnity of a funeral director reading out a particularly lucrative invoice, confirms that Ethiopia is now four-square in the grip of a regime that has mastered the art of the rigged ballot. The opposition, for its part, has issued the customary protest, which will be ignored with the same enthusiasm a cat ignores a lecture on table manners.
But here’s the kicker: this electoral charade comes as the Horn of Africa simmers like a pot of forgotten stew on the verge of boiling over. The Tigray conflict, which has already turned the region into a charnel house, is far from over. And now, with the ruling party’s mandate freshly polished, we can expect more of the same: drone strikes, famine, and the occasional photo-op of Abiy looking statesmanlike while his country burns.
Let’s not forget the ‘democratic’ process itself. Voters were given a choice between the Prosperity Party and a selection of nobodies who had been thoroughly vetted for lack of charisma and spine. Turnout was reportedly low, mainly because people were either dead, displaced, or too busy queuing for food aid to bother with the pantomime of voting.
Meanwhile, the international community has responded with the usual hand-wringing and carefully-worded statements that amount to ‘we’re very concerned but not concerned enough to do anything.’ The US and UK have already congratulated Abiy on his ‘re-election,’ proving once again that diplomacy is just a fancy word for stamping approval on atrocities.
So what comes next? More war, more hunger, and more hollow promises of reform. Ethiopia is a ship taking on water at an alarming rate, and the captain is busy polishing the silverware. But don’t worry, the government has assured us that peace is just around the corner, once they’ve finished killing everyone who disagrees with them.
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. In the land of the starving, the one who eats last is a saint. And in Ethiopia, the one who wins the election is the one who counts the votes, preferably by torchlight in a room full of machetes.
Biff Thistlethwaite, reporting from the edge of reason.
