In a stunning blow to anyone who thought international diplomacy might actually work, a British couple have lost their appeal against a lengthy Iranian jail sentence. The pair, whose names I can’t pronounce without a glass of gin in hand, were convicted of “espionage” – which in Iran translates to “having a nice holiday and taking photos of things.” Their family, now reduced to begging for Government intervention, have become the latest pawns in the great game of diplomatic chess.
The Foreign Office, meanwhile, has issued a statement so bland it could be used as wallpaper. “We are deeply concerned.” Yes, and I am deeply concerned about the price of gin at Heathrow, but we don’t see that making headlines.
The couple face years in a prison where the air tastes of desperation and the walls are made of the 12th century. The only question that remains: will Boris Johnson’s successor remember their names or will they be filed under “awkward international incidents” alongside the Falklands and that time we accidentally invaded Iceland? Until then, the family will wait, hope, and probably develop a severe twitch every time a phone rings.
I’ll be at the bar, waiting for a miracle or a round on the house.
