Westminster is transfixed by the bear. Yes, a bear. In Japan. But the briefing notes have landed on Downing Street desks. The creature, described by Japanese officials as 'extremely intelligent,' is outsmarting traps and evading hunters. UK wildlife experts are now advising containment, not confrontation.
This is the kind of story that makes the Lobby sit up. Not because of the bear. Because of who is being briefed. The PM's spokesman was cagey when asked. 'We are monitoring the situation closely.' Classic No 10. Never say nothing. Always say something that sounds like nothing.
But the real game is in the margins. A senior DEFRA source tells me there has been 'informal contact' with Japanese counterparts. The bear has learned to avoid darts. It uses rivers to mask its scent. Sound familiar? It should. This is the same playbook used by the most elusive of political operators.
Backbenchers are already muttering. 'If we can't handle a bear, how can we handle a trade deal?' one Tory MP whispered to me in the tearoom. The comparison is ludicrous. But in politics, ludicrous wins arguments.
The polling data is interesting. A snap YouGov survey shows 62% of Britons think the UK should 'do more' to help Japan. Only 23% think it's none of our business. The bear has become a proxy for competence. The government knows this. That's why the Foreign Office has offered 'technical assistance.'
But the bear is also a metaphor. For what? For Brexit. For the pandemic. For anything that moves faster than the civil service. The bear dances. The government reacts. The bear is 'extremely intelligent.' The government looks like it's trying to catch a pigeon.
I am told that No 10 has convened a Cobra meeting. Not for the bear. For the optics. They want to be seen doing something. Anything. The bear has become a symbol of the chaos that lurks beyond Whitehall's control.
Meanwhile, the bear is still out there. It has attacked a convenience store. It has opened a car door. It is, by all accounts, 'extremely intelligent.' We wait for the next move. In both Tokyo and London.
This is Eleanor Rigby. Signing off.
