In a development that has shocked precisely nobody outside of the television industry, Australia's media watchdog has finally emerged from its slumber to declare the reality TV behemoth 'Married at First Sight' as 'disturbing'. This verdict, delivered with all the gravity of a coroner examining a corpse, comes after years of the show gleefully orchestrating marriages between people who have known each other for approximately the length of time it takes to microwave a pot noodle. The show, which pairs complete strangers into matrimony and then films the ensuing car crash, has been accused of exploiting participants for entertainment.
Exploitation? On television? Perish the thought.
I can only assume the watchdog has been living under a rock, or perhaps they've been too busy watching paint dry to notice that reality TV has been operating on the principle of 'human misery equals ratings' since the dawn of the century. The show's producers, masters of the dark arts of editing, craft narratives that transform a mildly awkward dinner date into a full-blown psychological warfare. Participants are plied with alcohol (not enough, if you ask me), isolated from their support networks, and then subjected to group sessions that resemble a kangaroo court more than couples therapy.
The result is a spectacle of human frailty that would make Caligula blush. But let us not forget the noble purpose of all this: entertainment. For the viewing public, it's a guilty pleasure; for the network, it's a cash cow; and for the participants, it's a ticket to Instagram fame, provided they survive the emotional rubble.
The watchdog has demanded changes, citing 'harm to participants'. I propose a simpler solution: stop pretending this is about love and rebrand the show as 'Psychological Gladiators: The Marriage Arena'. At least then we'd be honest about the transaction.
In the meantime, I shall raise a glass of airport gin to the brave souls who willingly sign up for this modern-day colosseum. They are the true gladiators, and their only reward is the knowledge that their tears have been seized in high definition for our amusement. Bravo.
