Marks & Spencer, that grand old dowager of British retail, has announced a 1,000-strong youth traineeship. Cue the huzzahs. But let us not mistake this for corporate altruism.
This is triage. The British workforce, after decades of educational rot and cultural decadence, has produced a generation that can barely fold a jumper, let alone calculate VAT on a scone. M&S knows this.
They have seen the CVs. They have interviewed the zombies produced by our exam factories. And so, like a wise emperor recognising the barbarians are at the gate, they have chosen to train their own legion.
One thousand young souls will learn the mysteries of stocking shelves and greeting customers. This is not a revolution. It is a return to the apprenticeship model that built Victorian commerce.
We should applaud but also weep. For why must a private company do what the state has abandoned? Perhaps this is the future: corporations as the new monasteries, preserving knowledge while the surrounding civilisation burns.
Or perhaps it is just good business. Either way, it is a damning indictment of our national failure to prepare the young for work. But let us not be ungrateful.
If M&S wants to teach the young how to tie a Windsor knot and smile at the public, let them. It will be more useful than a degree in gender studies.
