In a move that has left legal experts, satirists, and anyone with a passing familiarity with irony utterly breathless, Elon Musk, the world’s most prolific tweeter and part-time rocket launcher, has slapped a German broadcaster with a lawsuit over their television intro. Yes, you read that correctly. The man who bought Twitter for the price of a small island nation and turned it into a digital Wild West is now taking issue with a few seconds of theme music and graphics.
The intro, which reportedly features a brief montage of German industry and culture, apparently infringes on Musk’s personal liberty to not be mildly annoyed while waiting for the news. “This is a free speech issue,” Musk’s legal team reportedly argued, though the exact connection between a TV intro and the First Amendment (which, notably, is an American concept) remains as clear as the Thames after a good rain. The lawsuit, filed in a Berlin court, demands the broadcaster cease and desist from airing the intro, or face the full wrath of Musk’s legion of online fans.
It’s a bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off. Meanwhile, the German broadcaster, presumably stunned by the sheer audacity of it all, has yet to comment.
Perhaps they’re too busy editing their intro to include a legal disclaimer: ‘This intro does not represent the views of Elon Musk, nor does it imply any endorsement of German engineering, punctuality, or sauerkraut.’ One can only imagine the reaction of the average German viewer, who is now confronted with the existential question: is my TV intro a violation of human rights? In related news, Musk has also threatened to sue the British government for the offence of having a parliamentary system that doesn’t run on lithium-ion batteries.
Stay tuned for further updates, as we monitor this case with the gravity it so richly deserves – which is to say, almost none. But do keep an eye on the skies: if Musk loses, he might just launch the offending intro into space on his next rocket.
