In a move that has sent a delightful shiver through the damp corridors of Thames House, Myanmar’s President Myint Swe (or as I call him, ‘Tincho of the Turmoil’) has jaunted off to New Delhi for a chinwag with Narendra Modi. The British intelligence establishment is, as we speak, pretending not to be absolutely riveted by this diplomatic fandango, no doubt while polishing their monocles and refilling their teacups with something stronger.
The visit, officially about ‘strengthening bilateral ties’ and ‘regional cooperation’ (famous last words), is being dissected by MI6 analysts who smell geopolitical realignment the way a truffle pig smells a fungus. Myanmar, that unfortunate jigsaw piece wedged between China and India, has been playing a dangerous game of ‘Who’s my best mate?’ since the military junta seized power in 2021. Now it’s trying to cozy up to Delhi while Beijing watches with the sort of jealous intensity usually reserved for a lover caught texting an ex.
Why now? Because the junta is in a right state, that’s why. The civil war is going about as well as a vegan at a barbecue, and international sanctions have left them with the economic equivalent of a flatulent corpse in a lift. India, ever the pragmatist, sees an opportunity to pull Myanmar away from China’s orbit, even if it means shaking hands with a regime that makes your average Victorian workhouse look like a holiday camp. The British, meanwhile, are concerned about the flow of drugs, refugees, and Chinese influence spilling over into their former colonial playgrounds. One can almost hear the collective sharpening of pencils in Whitehall as they plot their next move.
But let’s not get too solemn. This is a glorious circus of hypocrisy. India, the world’s largest democracy, hosting a man whose government is currently bombing its own citizens? Absolutely splendid. And Britain, which has a long and proud history of propping up unsavoury regimes for commercial gain, now tut-tutting from the sidelines? Pure theatrical gold. The Foreign Office will issue a statement about ‘urging restraint’ and ‘dialogue’ while MI6 chums up to whatever faction might smuggle them a bit of jade or a listening post near the Bay of Bengal.
The big question is: will Tincho return to Naypyidaw with a briefcase full of rupees and a new best friend, or will Modi politely show him the door after a few photo ops? Either way, the corridors of power in London will be buzzing with the sort of paranoid glee that only a good geopolitical melodrama can provide. And I’ll be here, gin in hand, watching the farce unfold from the press gallery of a crumbling empire.
