In a spectacle that defies electoral norms, a congressman who has vanished from public view has won his primary election. The victory came after a telephonic endorsement from former President Donald Trump. The congressman, whose whereabouts have been unknown for weeks, secured the nomination without a single public appearance or debate.
Sources confirm that the endorsement was delivered via a prerecorded message played at a rally. The opponent, a local activist, cried foul but the party machinery had already mobilised. Documents uncovered by this newsroom show that the congressman's campaign funds were used for 'consulting fees' to a shell company linked to a Trump ally.
The election commission says it has no jurisdiction over candidates' whereabouts. The farce continues: the congressman's office line rings unanswered. This is not democracy: it is a placeholder for power.
