In a move that has shocked precisely nobody with a functional moral compass, an indigenous leader in Nicaragua has shuffled off this mortal coil while in the custody of Daniel Ortega’s increasingly dictatorial regime. The poor soul, whose name the Foreign Office will now brandish like a holy relic, was reportedly denied medical treatment for a condition that would have been easily treatable in a functioning society. Britain, ever the international scold, has responded with a sternly worded statement condemning the Ortega regime’s human rights record.
One can only imagine the sweat on the brow of the junior minister tasked with drafting such a powerful missive, no doubt composed on recycled paper with fair-trade ink. This is, of course, the same Britain that sells arms to Saudi Arabia and looks the other way when its own borders become graveyards. But let us not be churlish.
A statement has been issued. The world is saved. The ghost of the departed leader, one presumes, is now expected to rest easier knowing that a distant island nation has expressed its profound disappointment.
I half expect the next step to be a strongly worded letter to Santa Claus demanding the return of the stolen Mandate of Heaven. Meanwhile, in Nicaragua, the Ortega regime continues its grim work: suppressing dissent, imprisoning opponents, and generally making a mockery of the concept of democracy. But fear not, for Britain is on the case.
A raised eyebrow from Whitehall will surely bring the tyrants to their knees. It is a sad day when the only thing louder than the silence of the international community is the self-congratulatory back-patting of its most sanctimonious members. The dead leader, I’m sure, is deeply grateful for this outpouring of concern from a country that can’t even keep its own Prime Minister in office for more than a few months.
Still, it’s the thought that counts. Even if that thought is a withered, useless thing, born of bureaucracy and cowardice.
