In a turn of events that could only be described as the logical endpoint of our society's obsession with celebrity, pop star Sabrina Carpenter has been granted a restraining order against a man who apparently mistook her residence for a tourist attraction and her personal boundaries for a mere suggestion. The gentleman, a 23-year-old whose LinkedIn profile likely lists 'professional trespasser' under skills, was arrested at Carpenter's home, presumably while trying to find the guest bathroom or perhaps a lock of her hair. One can only imagine the conversation: 'I'm not a stalker, I'm a superfan!
There's a difference! One sends gifts, the other sends shivers down the spine of the legal system.' Carpenter, who has had more chart-topping hits than this man has had rational thoughts, filed for the order with the grace of a swan and the urgency of a gazelle being pursued by a lion.
The judge, no doubt reaching for his own bottle of gin after this case, granted the order, effectively banishing this admirer to the shadowy realm of 'people who need to get a hobby.' In an era where privacy is as rare as a politician's promise, Carpenter's team has wisely chosen to lock down details, but one hopes they are also installing a moat and perhaps a few crocodiles. The suspect now faces a future of explaining his actions to a magistrate, a therapist, and his own mirror.
Meanwhile, Carpenter soldiers on, proving that even in a world gone mad, a good restraining order and a solid publicist can keep the wolves at bay.
