In a revelation that has shocked precisely no one with a working olfactory sense, Shell has been caught pumping oil through a Nigerian pipeline for years despite possessing evidence of the kind of pollution that makes the Niger Delta look like a Jackson Pollock painting dipped in crude. The news comes as UK investors, presumably holding their noses and their share certificates, demand answers from the company’s board.
One can almost hear the collective gasp from the City of London, a sound not unlike a punctured soufflé. The investors, those brave souls who have been cheerfully collecting dividends while the Niger Delta turned into a toxic soup, now want to know why Shell didn’t shut down the pipeline sooner. The answer, of course, is as clear as the Exxon Valdez’s conscience: money.
Shell, that great British institution known for its ability to spill oil and PR in equal measure, has been operating the pipeline in the Ogoniland region. According to the leaked documents, the company knew about the leaks and the resulting pollution for years. But instead of shutting it down, they kept pumping, because nothing says ‘corporate responsibility’ like turning a blind eye while an ecosystem dies.
The irony is so thick you could bottle it and sell it as crude. Shell has spent millions on ad campaigns featuring wind turbines and smiling children, while in Nigeria, the children are more likely to be fishing in rivers coated in a rainbow sheen of hydrocarbons. The company’s response? They will ‘review the findings’ and ‘take appropriate action.’ Which, in Shell speak, means hiring a new PR firm and hoping the story dies over the weekend.
But the investors are restless. They have seen the headlines, and they know that reputation risk is just another form of actuarial table. They want answers, and they want them now. Or at least by the next quarterly earnings call, whichever comes first.
The UK government, meanwhile, is staying quiet, probably because they are too busy calculating how much tax revenue they would lose if Shell actually had to clean up its mess. The same government that promised to lead the world on climate change is now hiding under the desk every time someone mentions the word ‘Nigeria’.
In the end, the only thing that will change is the colour of Shell’s logo. They will probably switch from red and yellow to a lovely shade of green, to show how much they care. And the investors will get their answers, delivered in a beautifully bound report that will be filed away and forgotten until the next leak.
Because that is the nature of the beast. The pipeline will keep pumping, the pollution will keep spreading, and the shareholders will keep collecting. And somewhere in the Niger Delta, a fish will swim through an oil slick, wondering what the hell happened to the water.
But don’t worry. Shell has it under control. They always do.
