In a development that has shocked the nation, a preliminary report into the tragic train crash that claimed twelve lives has pointed the finger squarely at a signal failure. The incident, which occurred on a wet Tuesday morning near the sleepy junction of Wapping-on-Sea, has been described by rail experts as 'a catastrophe waiting to happen' – a phrase so tired it should be sent for signal maintenance itself.
The Transport Secretary, a man whose face bears the permanent expression of someone who has just stepped in something unpleasant, has announced a 'comprehensive safety review' of the entire network. This, of course, is the political equivalent of putting a plaster on a severed artery.
Let us pause to consider the signal. A signal, in its essence, is a simple device: it says stop or go. But in the hands of our privatised rail system, it has become a Rorschach test for incompetence. Did it fail because of a lack of investment? Because of a maintenance schedule drawn up by someone whose only qualification is a degree in bean-counting? Or because the entire system is held together with rusty optimism and a prayer?
The Rail Safety and Standards Board, a body whose name alone suggests a committee of men in beige cardigans, released a statement expressing 'deep regret' and promising 'swift action'. Swift action, in rail speak, translates to 'we will form a subcommittee to investigate the possibility of forming a subcommittee'.
The Prime Minister, who was apparently 'deeply saddened' – a phrase he uses for everything from train crashes to burnt toast – has ordered the Department for Transport to 'leave no stone unturned'. This is the same Department that has spent the last decade turning stones into gravel and gravel into dust.
Meanwhile, the families of the deceased are left to mourn, while the rest of us are left to wonder: how many more signals must fail before the system finally crashes into reality? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Or perhaps in the gin-soaked breath of a transport commentator.
Let us hope the Transport Secretary's review is thorough. But let us not hold our breath. For in the world of British rail, the only thing more predictable than a delay is an inquiry. And the only thing more tragic than a crash is the certainty that it will happen again.
