In a decision that will surely be carved into a marble obelisk and then promptly used to bludgeon a trans teenager, the Supreme Court has spoken. With the solemn gravitas of six justices who have clearly never changed a nappy or known the simple joy of a properly executed layup, they have upheld bans on transgender athletes competing in female school and college sports. This is a victory for traditionalists everywhere, or at least for those who believe that the sanctity of the 800-metre dash must be protected from the ravages of inclusiveness.
The ruling, delivered with the kind of self-congratulatory pomposity usually reserved for the opening of a village fete by a minor aristocrat, effectively states that a 14-year-old trans girl with a passing grade in biology is more of a threat than the actual structural collapse of the education system. Let us pause to admire the priorities of this nation: we cannot fund art programmes or provide adequate mental health support, but by God we will ensure that no one with a Y chromosome that has been on a slight detour shall ever wrongfully secure a bronze medal in the javelin.
The logic, if one may grace it with such a term, hinges on the notion that fairness in female sports is a fragile china doll that will shatter at the mere sight of a trans athlete. Never mind that the average school sports day resembles a Lord of the Flies reenactment where the only winners are the ones who remembered their PE kit and didn't vomit after the bleep test. But no, the Court has decreed that the greatest injustice in America is not wealth inequality or climate change, but the possibility that a trans girl might run slightly faster than a cis girl. Cue the panicked pearl clutching.
I can picture the dissenting justices now, penning their furious minority opinions on napkins soaked in gin. They will argue with eloquent fury that this decision is based on fear, not fact. That it ignores the medical consensus that trans girls on puberty blockers have no competitive advantage. That it flies in the face of the very dignity our Constitution purports to protect. But their words will be lost in the cacophony of triumphant tweets from politicians who have never met a trans person but have strong opinions on their hormones.
And what of the girls this law purports to protect? The ones who will now have to police the chromosomes of their teammates. The awkward conversations in the changing room, the invasive questions, the endless paranoia. Congratulations, Supreme Court. You have turned the local high school track into a surveillance state. I do hope you are proud of your shiny new dystopia, built on the rubble of compassion and the cheap cement of ignorance.
Meanwhile, in the real world, trans youth will continue to exist, because they are not a theoretical abstraction but actual human beings with feelings and dreams. They will continue to play sports if they wish, because humans have been doing that since before we had robes and gavels. And the rest of us will continue to watch this farce unfold, hoping that one day sanity will prevail and we can return to worrying about things that actually matter, like the cost of a decent pint.
