In a development that has left British education officials clutching their secular pearls, the great state of Texas has passed a law mandating the inclusion of Bible stories in public school curricula. Yes, you read that correctly. The Lone Star State, never one to shy away from a good biblical epic, has decided that the Good Book should be required reading alongside algebra and the history of the barbecue.
British education authorities, who have spent decades trying to keep religion out of the classroom (except for the odd nativity play and some gentle carol singing), are predictably aghast. 'This is a worrying development,' said a spokesperson for the Department for Education, in what may be the understatement of the century. 'We believe in teaching children to think critically, not to accept ancient texts as literal truth without question.' But in Texas, critical thinking is optional; what matters is that children know their Genesis from their Revelations, and that they understand that Noah's Ark is not just a story about a very large boat and a lot of animals.
The new law, signed by Governor Greg Abbott with a flourish and possibly a copy of the King James Version on his desk, requires schools to include 'the study of the Bible, including the New Testament and the Old Testament, in a manner that is appropriate for the grade level.' This means that second-graders will now be learning about David and Goliath alongside their times tables, and high school students will be wrestling with the Book of Job as if it were a particularly dense chapter of physics.
Critics argue that this is a thinly veiled attempt to promote Christianity in public schools, violating the separation of church and state. But supporters claim it's about teaching 'cultural literacy.' Because nothing says cultural literacy like forcing every child to learn about the burning bush and the parting of the Red Sea, regardless of their own religious background.
British officials are particularly concerned about the implications for religious minorities. 'What about Jewish students? Or Muslims? Or atheists?' they ask, wringing their hands in that particularly British way. But in Texas, the answer seems to be: they can join in, or they can move to a state that doesn't mandate Bible stories. (Good luck finding one that's not also considering similar legislation.)
The irony, of course, is that this comes at a time when British schools are increasingly embracing a 'multi-faith' approach to religious education. That is, they teach about all religions, not just one. But in Texas, the 'one' is clearly the only one that matters. And if you don't like it, there's always the option of home-schooling. (Which, let's be honest, is probably what the religious right wants anyway.)
So here we are, folks. In a world where Texas has decided that the Bible is not just a book of faith but a textbook of history, literature, and science. Noah's flood explains geological formations. The Tower of Babel explains linguistic diversity. And the Book of Revelation? That's just a very long and confusing way to teach meteorology.
One can only imagine the look on the face of a British education official when they heard this news. Probably the same look they would have if someone tried to mandate The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as a physics textbook. But in Texas, they're not joking. They're serious. And they have the votes to prove it.
In the end, this is just another chapter in the ongoing saga of the weirdness that is American politics. And British officials can only watch, shake their heads, and thank their lucky stars that at least they don't have to deal with the Texas Board of Education. Yet.
